New GOP restrictions on food stamp recipients

This is an Onion satire, but it isn't too far off.

WASHINGTON—As part of their effort to rein in government spending through entitlement reform, GOP congressional leaders announced Friday that their new tax plan will require welfare recipients to apply for each individual piece of food they receive. “Mandating that all Americans on food stamps submit a separate application for every morsel they want to buy ensures that they get the nutrition they need without wasting taxpayer dollars,” said House Speaker Paul Ryan, explaining that the new bill would significantly reduce the costs of the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program by requiring low-income Americans to make a case for each piece of fruit, slice of bread, or grain of rice they plan to purchase. “Putting more onus on welfare recipients to justify why they need to buy something like a potato chip, a dollop of mayonnaise, or a pinch of salt with taxpayer money will help increase personal responsibility and reduce waste. In addition, parents will be required to fill out separate forms itemizing each mouthful taken by their children, which will enable them to be adequately nourished while not indulging in superfluous calories at government expense.” Ryan added that the bill also included work-requirement reform mandating that all food stamp recipients submit daily paperwork to their SNAP office with a valid explanation for each minute they weren’t working.