The White House has confirmed that a package addressed to President Trump was intercepted this morning by Secret Service, after the contents were deemed "very suspicious." Books, including several copies of the Bible and "How to use Twitter for Dummies", were discovered as well as over a hundred extra-small condoms.
Given that the President had just received his weekly Amazon delivery of 10,000 copies of Art of the Deal, the package immediately drew suspicion, according to a Secret Service spokesman.
“We were suspicious once we saw the condoms,” he told CNN. “Once we saw the books we knew no way in hell this was for Trump.”
Those suspicions were compounded when the President unexpectedly wandered into the mail room and began querying the package himself. “Who the hell ordered 100 crappy water balloons addressed ‘For the next Stormy’?” he reportedly asked. “And why would anyone need so many water balloons during a storm? Strange!”