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Thursday, March 30, 2017
Borowitz on Nunes
Borowitz does it again, lampooning Nunes' now paranoid refusal to call relevant witnesses or even conduct hearings in public, much less reveal his nonexistent intelligence source.
Nunes Says He Held Russia Hearings Alone in His Apartment and They Went Great
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Representative
Devin Nunes, the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, told
reporters on Wednesday that he just spent several days alone in his
apartment holding hearings on President Donald J. Trump’s ties to Russia
and that those hearings “went really great.”
concluded several days of hearings on my own in my apartment, I am one
hundred per cent satisfied that the President had no involvement with
the Russians,” Nunes said. “Now it’s time to move on.”
Nunes would not reveal who testified at the hearings in his apartment,
he called their testimony “credible and productive.”
“I didn’t know what to expect when the hearings started, but, take my word for it, they were really, really good,” he said.
disclosure that Nunes had conducted the Russia hearings alone in his
apartment drew howls of protest from Adam Schiff, the ranking Democrat
on the Intelligence Committee. “No one on the committee was invited to
these hearings,” Schiff said. “I can’t believe that Devin keeps trying
to get away with this crap.”
however, pushed back against Schiff’s rebuke. “If Adam had ever seen my
apartment, he would know there was not enough room to fit the whole
committee in there,” he said.
After speaking to reporters, Nunes headed to the White House, where Trump presented him with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.