Tips for being an unarmed black teen

The Onion as usual gets it right by using hyperbole and parody. Here's how they advise black teens from this piece.

• Shy away from dangerous, heavily policed areas.
• Avoid swaggering or any other confident behavior that suggests you are not completely subjugated.
• Be sure not to pick up any object that could be perceived by a police officer as a firearm, such as a cell phone, a food item, or nothing.
• Explain in clear and logical terms that you do not enjoy being shot, and would prefer that it not happen.
• Don’t let society stereotype you as a petty criminal. Remember that you can be seen as so much more, from an armed robbery suspect, to a rape suspect, to a murder suspect.
• Try to see it from a police officer’s point of view: You may be unarmed, but you’re also black.
• Avoid wearing clothing associated with the gang lifestyle, such as shirts and pants.
• Revel in the fact that by simply existing, you exert a threatening presence over the nation’s police force.
• Be as polite and straightforward as possible when police officers are kicking the shit out of you.