MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—Many
Americans are tired of explaining things to idiots, particularly when
the things in question are so painfully obvious, a new poll indicates. According
to the poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion
Research Institute, while millions have been vexed for some time by
their failure to explain incredibly basic information to dolts, that
frustration has now reached a breaking point.
Of
the many obvious things that people are sick and tired of trying to get
through the skulls of stupid people, the fact that climate change will
cause catastrophic habitat destruction and devastating extinctions tops
the list, with a majority saying that they will no longer bother trying
to explain this to cretins.
Coming
in a close second, statistical proof that gun control has reduced gun
deaths in countries around the world is something that a significant
number of those polled have given up attempting to break down for
morons.
Finally, a majority said
that trying to make idiots understand why a flag that symbolizes bigotry
and hatred has no business flying over a state capitol only makes the
person attempting to explain this want to put his or her fist through a
wall.
In a result that suggests a
dismal future for the practice of explaining things to idiots, an
overwhelming number of those polled said that they were considering
abandoning such attempts altogether, with a broad majority agreeing with
the statement, “This country is exhausting.”
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