WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—One
day after rescinding his invitation to the Golden State Warriors,
Donald J. Trump invited the entire Russian national basketball team to
celebrate with him at the White House. Trump
said that he looked forward to welcoming the Russian team, calling them
“much, much better basketball players than those Golden State losers.”
When
reporters pointed out that the Russians had won only a bronze in the
2012 Olympics and failed to qualify for the 2016 event, Trump was
dismissive, calling the Olympics “rigged.”
“You ask anyone who knows, Steph Curry is nowhere near as good as Vladimir Ivlev,” Trump said.
But
Trump’s plan to replace the Warriors with the Russians hit a snag just
hours after he issued the invitation, when the Russian team released an
official statement declining the offer. “We feel that appearing with Donald Trump at this time would be bad for our brand,” the Russians’ statement read.
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