Trump Orders All White House Phones Covered in Tin Foil
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In
a frenzy of early-morning activity on Saturday, President Donald J.
Trump ordered aides to immediately cover every phone in the White House
with tin foil, White House sources confirmed.
According to the sources, Trump contacted staffers Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer at approximately 6 A.M. and instructed them to purchase enough tin foil to cover every phone in the building.
The
President, still wearing his bathrobe after what was reportedly a
sleepless night, personally supervised the tin-foil installation,
sources said.
“Wrap it tighter,” he was heard bellowing at Conway.
After
the installation was complete, Trump ordered the Secret Service to
check every room in the White House for signs of former President Barack
Obama.
“He’s still here somewhere, I know it,” Trump reportedly muttered.
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