McConnell's wife cheats better than him

And he just can't stand it.

"WASHINGTON—Admitting that the financial arrangement of their marriage made him uncomfortable, Senator Mitch McConnell revealed Monday that he often feels emasculated by his wife, U.S. secretary of transportation Elaine Chao, who makes more illicit money than him. “I don’t like saying it, but it makes me feel like less of a man to see how much more ethically compromised money my wife brings in,” said the Republican Senate majority leader, adding that despite his own efforts to leverage his congressional standing for ill-gotten gains from a variety of dark-money financiers, the vast majority of the couple’s wealth came from his wife’s work using her government positions to give favorable treatment to her family’s overseas firms. “I’m a traditional guy, so it’s just hard to stomach looking at our joint illicit finances and knowing she’s contributing way more dirty money than me. Plus, her family gives us a lot of cash, which is kind of embarrassing to be a grown adult man receiving financial help from your wife’s corrupt parents. It’s just hard being in a marriage where your wife is the primary payola winner.” McConnell also admitted that in his darkest moments, he feels emasculated by the thought that his wife has been way more successful at undermining the principles of democratic government in the United States than he has."