WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President
Donald J. Trump made Vice-President Mike Pence watch him issue pardons
for several hours to see how it is done, a White House source confirmed.
According to the source, Trump pardoned a number of disgraced political figures and former reality-show cronies for the sole purpose of training Pence in the art of issuing pardons.
After signing pardon after pardon while Pence looked on intently, Trump commanded the Vice-President to sign a “practice pardon” to prove that he “wouldn’t mess anything up,” the source said.
Before trying his hand at issuing a pardon, Pence heaped praise on Trump for the pardoning demonstration he had just given.
“Mr. President, as in everything you do, your mastery of pardoning has been a wonder to behold,” he said. “I pray to God that, if I am ever called upon to issue a pardon, I do it with one-tenth of the skill and grace you have just displayed.”
“Stop sucking up and sign it,” Trump reportedly snapped.
According to the source, Trump pardoned a number of disgraced political figures and former reality-show cronies for the sole purpose of training Pence in the art of issuing pardons.
After signing pardon after pardon while Pence looked on intently, Trump commanded the Vice-President to sign a “practice pardon” to prove that he “wouldn’t mess anything up,” the source said.
Before trying his hand at issuing a pardon, Pence heaped praise on Trump for the pardoning demonstration he had just given.
“Mr. President, as in everything you do, your mastery of pardoning has been a wonder to behold,” he said. “I pray to God that, if I am ever called upon to issue a pardon, I do it with one-tenth of the skill and grace you have just displayed.”
“Stop sucking up and sign it,” Trump reportedly snapped.
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