From The Onion. See the article for the rest:
WASHINGTON—Flushed with anticipation and ready to emerge from another
long, cold winter, millions of Americans participated this week in the
annual tradition of trimming their pubic regions in time for Valentine's
Day. A ritual as old as time itself, this year's pubis-shearing is
expected to be among the largest in decades, with more than 20,000 tons
of curly clippings predicted to fall by Feb. 14.
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