MANCHESTER, NEW HAMPSHIRE (The Borowitz Report)—Scandal
rocked Bernie Sanders’s Presidential campaign on Friday as the
candidate was forced to admit that he received free checking from
several big banks.
In a press
conference in Manchester, New Hampshire, a chastened Sanders
acknowledged that, over the past two decades, he received free checking
from Bank of America, Citibank, and JPMorgan Chase in exchange for
maintaining a five-hundred-dollar minimum balance.
“I should have acknowledged my relationship with these banks earlier,” a subdued Sanders told reporters. “For that, I am sorry.”
The
Clinton campaign immediately seized on the revelation, with one senior
Clinton aide alleging that Sanders’s cozy relationship with the banks
“effectively strips him of the label ‘progressive.’ ”
“Quite
frankly, I don’t know of too many progressives who make
five-hundred-dollar payoffs to the big banks,” the aide said. “This
doesn’t pass the smell test.”
The
news of Sanders’s ties to the banking industry comes just days after
damaging reports that he leveraged his relationship with the American
Automobile Association to obtain a discount on renting a Nissan Sentra.
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